Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
