K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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