i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize