I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
