Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
