I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
