Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
