That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
