redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
a search helicopter?!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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