found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
