But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
