Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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