You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
