I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
