Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
