the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
