dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
