No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
