1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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