Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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