And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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