Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
