I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
