I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
