Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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