i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize