He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
