Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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