I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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