you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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