Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
