Pants 0. Shit 1.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
