What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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