My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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