I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
