I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
