Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize