You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
