I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
