Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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