Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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