oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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