Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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