So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
