Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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