im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i came on her dog
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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