love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
