My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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