my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
