I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
