For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
