i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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