They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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