ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
