He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
