Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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