If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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