You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Randomize
