I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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