Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
