How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
