Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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