Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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