he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize