my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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