i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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