No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Who died my cat blue again?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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