Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

I murdered the dance floor call the cops

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(203): View more from Connecticut

walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse

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(772): View more from Florida

He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.

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(620): View more from Kansas

Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.

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(914): View more from New York

He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?

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(913): View more from Kansas

I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.

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(813): View more from Florida

Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.

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