Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize