I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize